What The Heck Is...

What the heck is… teledildonics?

By Kitty Knowles 9 February 2017
Summary

Explaining the buzzwords of the moment: what are teledildonics and what do they mean for our future?

Our weekly series What The Heck Is… exists to shed light on the strange unexplained acronyms and unfamiliar buzzwords that creep into our everyday lives.

From fika to fake news we’re on a mission to explain the difficult to explain.

Now, in honour of Future Love month, we’ve diving between the bedsheets.

And we have to admit, today’s word is great fun to say: teledildonics.


What the heck are teledildonics?

The middle ‘dildo’ part of the word probably gives the game away here, as teledildonics are essentially high-tech sex toys.

The Greek ‘tele’ and ‘onics’ parts of the word refer to the long-distance, internet-connected way in which these sex toys can be controlled.

Ted Nelson's Computer Lib / Dream Machines.

It was first coined in 1975 by American tech pioneer Ted Nelson in his book Computer Lib / Dream Machines; since then it’s also (if inaccurately) sometimes been used to describe sex dolls and other futuristic toys, even when they’ve not been internet-connected.

Only in recent years are teledildonics really coming of age.

Lovense Blush Vibe for Apple Watch. Pic: Lovense
Lovense Blush Vibe for Apple Watch. Pic: Lovense

What are teledildonics today?

Today there are a number of teledildonic toys on the consumer market, with one study suggesting that 9% of British women already have vibrators connected to their smartphones.

You might, for example, recognise Lovense or Inmi vibrators, which can be controlled from your smartphone or even your Apple Watch.

Teledildonics aren’t just for women though. Brands like Lelo and Kiroo also have lines of internet-connected fleshlights for men, which can be used individually, or in partner play.

Forget phone sex, teledildonics is the new-age way for long distance couples to be intimate together.

With this in mind, the other way you’re most likely to experience teledildonics is as part of your porn-watching habits.

PornHub’s butt-shaped Twerking Butt, for example, isn’t just internet-connected, it can be used while watching VR porn, and features multiple twerking patterns, customisable rhythms, massage speeds, and a realistic simulated body heat of 98.6°.

Similarly, Cam Soda recently became the first adult entertainment site to allow porn fans to virtually connect with performers through teledildonic toys.

Why should you care?

Crudely put, you should care about teleldildonics because they will help you have better sex – whether that’s on your own, with a partner, or a porn star.

It’s also an industry in boom, with big bucks to be made by those who enter it.

There’s a vast amount of wiggle room for innovation and experimentation. And futurologists even say that physical toys may become obsolete as we send orgasms to each other via internet-connected lubricants, or implants.

Whatever form them come in, teledildonics are here to stay, and they’re going to be huge – better starting practising how to say it out loud.

Remember, it’s tele-dildo-nics.

Our weekly series What The Heck Is… exists to shed light on the strange unexplained acronyms and unfamiliar buzzwords that creep into our everyday lives.